Thursday, December 30, 2010

Thank You

Has no boundaries.

This has been bugging me for a while now and I just want to let it off my chest, I have a friend name Ava, I'm not how sure she spells it but oh wells. I may not know Ava too well but I know what she has shown me. Basically he wants to become a she, I never really understood the meaning of changing your gender but I asked her and her gf this one day and she says "Comfortable." Meaning he feels that he should be a woman not a man, I remember watching about this once on tv, it talked about how some chromosomes get mixed up and that person ends up not being the real gender they were suppose to be. After hanging out with her a lot more I start to understand why she is who she is, you can never find a more girlier girl than her, with her gf, our friend Berri and I combine she beat us all. I'm glad that I met her because I would have never found the most courageous girl in the world. She showed me something I would never have the fucken guts to ever everyone who she really is.

There are many people out there who won't accept her and there are people are there like her gf and friends who will cherish her until the end.

This woman, I just can't believe what she and others like her have to go through. I can't believe how much they are willing to endure to be who they are, so much shun, hate, and tears. Nothing will ever be the same for her anymore. A lot of people out there in the world won't even accept her, she's been sexually harassed, teased, and so many other fucken things I would ever even believe.. Her parents don't even accept her but I know they will always love her its just one thing that bugs me so much why let your child go? Why shun them for being who they want to be? Most parents tell their kids they can be whatever they want as long as they try and reach for that dream.

What if this is their dream? How can you let them go out there knowing all the things you've once said was a lie. Before you shun them out of your existence try being in their shoes for once..try enduring what they have to deal with when they are "different"..try understanding from their perspective before judging.
Nothing is worse than losing your child..but since they chose to be something you are afraid of or whatever the fucken reason is. Look into their eyes and tell me what do you see inside?

You know what I see?
A human being.
A person with a big heart.
2 ears, 2 eyes, a nose.
2 legs, 2 arms.
Blood running through their veins.
And often I see a smile.
In the end we are all human and at the end we will all die, so why not enjoy what time we have left? Instead of worrying about all the stupid little crap that worries us but how can we do that? We can't, but you can stop worry about the little crap your child has "become" and start living with who your child really is.

I thank you Alex for showing me how brave you can be, how far you are willing to go to be who you are. Even if people out there don't accept who you are, you are still going to have others out there who are going to love you no matter what.

I thank you Crystal for being such a great, courageous, brave woman who's always willing to defend your lover even if its going to cost you a bloody nose or a broken face.

There is one thing to be picked on for your race but to be shunned for who you feel you are is outrageous...

The world has become a one minded society..well most of it.

You can't always get what you want, but it is always still worth the try. No one person is perfect but to all those that have been so fucken judgmental...bleh.

Yay 5 a.m now its time for bed.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Just Colorado

It really isn't all too bad living here, it was just about 5 years ago that I moved to this state with my family. During my freshman year I found it quite unbearable and horrible, I had no friends, I was starting at a new school once again, and I just found myself to be so out of place. For days I would linger on my own until I finally found some friends in my choir class which wasn't too bad since the girls were really nice and had great personalitys. The thing was I knew I really didn't belong with them but one girl stood out from the rest, her name is Hallie...I think I spelled her name correctly...she hated when people spelled her name wrong. Soon she became my best friend, I couldn't of been happier to have a friend like her but the only problem was she moved to a different school a little while before I moved again. We kept in contact for a little while but it died down after a while, I could feel myself changing to another person. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone anymore, not even my close friends from California. It isn't like I mean to do it on purpose it was just that I was so depressed because of all the movings around the country my family and I made.

My first year of highschool was horrible, before I had moved to Colorado I lived in a small town in Grinnell, Iowa with my aunts family. The first 6 months we spent there was awkward, scary, and plain stupid; though, my parents needed work we stayed there as long as we could until they found another job which was located in Colorado. But those first 6 months I did not make any friends whatsoever, I was also shy which didn't really help either. I didn't really seem to care though since I knew I wasn't going to be there long and I was so relieved when my parents told me we were going to move once again. But I knew my parents would never in their life be able to stay in one city for more than a year or two and this is how it always was in my childhood. Throughout my whole life my family has moved around more than 10 times, which is a record for our whole extended family members.

Finally the moving has ended which I am so glad of now my life can have a real beginning to a true story. The only problem is I still miss the California lifestyle and my friends...they are the ones who keep me going while I am here in this city far unknown to me.

Monday, July 12, 2010


He's always been there for me, he's always tried to c h e e r me up the best he can even if it means telling me the truth.

The truth always hurts, and his words always did hurt.

Though he has his s w e e t side there was always one side I hated so much. This was the part he became someone he was not, someone who not only hurt with words but with every ounce of his heart. He has no compassion for another's well being when he has become this despicable m o n s t e r but when you confront him with the truths he will just laugh it off making you feel like a total complete i d i o t. Soon you just learn to take what he gives you, i g n o r e the offensive comments, turn your back feeling more frustrated than ever, and finally what happens you leave and he apologizes.

From then, you take him back.

As you take him back the cycle starts all over again, he is sweet until you have ticked him off and from there he goes turning back into the awful monster he really is.

I really do not know why I stay by his side.

Something is probably holding me back, holding me back hard enough of not ever letting him go; but, maybe just maybe one day I can finally turn my back away forever.
He may seem to be an awful guy with no heart, no compassion, but I will still l o v e him...
I know I am stupid for staying by his side, typing these words, thinking about him...
But he has those special moments that I will cherish throughout my lifetime...

Maybe someday you will read this I don't know, but there is always one question I have always wanted to ask you?
Why do you love me?
I've always wondered this...
You told me you love me from time to time but I don't know if its really the truth or a lie, but you sometimes hurt me like I mean nothing to you...
So I don't understand why would you hurt someone you supposedly love?
I've almost known you for three years even though we have never met face to face, but do you really love me?
Or am I just another game you like to play...
For once will you man up and tell me the truth? The whole story? The real story?

If you are going to turn around and ask me why I love you even though I have the man of my dreams, all you've read so far should of told you everything.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

l i v ing IT

The joys.

This is going to be my little introduction and the rest of it will probably be about my family. To lots I am known as J e n , but to my love ones they call me the same thing even though it is not my birth name. Sometime this year I will be 1 9 and which will give me plenty of years to live and grow old. At the moment I am attending a state college which I'm glad to be in but the problem is my mum still disapproves; though, the only reason she disapproves is that I'm an hour away. Y i p p e e ? I recently lost my job as a waitress it was a good year working there but I guess it is time to find something better. I'm not really sure what else I could type about myself, I don't even know if there will be anyone reading this.

Ga Ting. (Family)

I love my family with all my heart, but there are just those times where you just wanna snap their heads off. No matter how much they annoy me they will always come first in my book.

In N o v e m b e r of 2009 I got my first tattoo, which says "Family comes first" in C h i n e s e .
And in Chinese its read "Ga ting da yi."

To me without my family I am nothing&no-one.

Independence Day 2010.

Fourth of July was one of the greatest days I've ever had in a while...I was able to spend 2 days with my family, there was bbq, swimming, gambling, and lots of laughing&yelling. The parents enjoyed their time gambling, eating and yelling at the kids; well, as the kids we got to make the food, swim, get hurt&yell at the parents for yelling at us. Though, it was a small family gathering I still had a hella good time.

I h o p e those days never end...

b l e g D:

So I finally decided to come on and check my blog, but it turns out my lovely old blog has I had to make a new one not a big deal I guess.

Some days it is like a dream.
Some times it is nothing more than reality.
Often I find him to be a man.
Mostly I find him to be my lover.
He often parades like a child I have never seen, one that is likely to fall down and get himself right back up.
He usually chooses the wrong path to take, but I am still always right there behind him.
His eyes and heart holds the deepest of all secrets, not even I can even penetrate.
But his words tell otherwise, sometimes lies, and sometimes love. He isn't perfect that I know of, but he is mine.
For now Richard is my l i f e, and someday I will be his w i f e...
(( This isn't a poem just thoughts. ))